In Cancer

Forty-Five Verses: There’s a Possibility

2009 Post Chemo Hair Growth Yay!

I stood in the room after my exam and some friendly chit chat that came to a halt when the surgeon looked me in the eye and said “You know, there’s a possibility this is cancer.” My knee jerk reaction back to him was “Well, there is a possibility it is not too.” For the past week I had some uncertainty that the lump may be malignant but I was holding out with the words I said over and over the night I found it. “Surely it’s nothing, surely it’s nothing, surely it’s nothing.” I just remember I barely slept that night. I had a child sleeping on each side of me, Jeff was working late. I prayed. I thought through scenarios and I woke early to tell Jeff. How in the world had I missed a lump that big? I had a mammogram, and was even given a hard time by the insurance company  because I was only thirty-five years old…only six months before? Surely it is nothing.

I called Deborah who was already scheduled with three others to come sit at the kitchen table and have bible study. I am quite sure my voice shook as I stood at that land line phone and said “I found a lump in my breast last night.” And just as I would imagine Jesus being as calm in a storm she says “well, it will come to nothing. By His stripes you ARE healed.” I couldn’t have panicked even if I sure wanted to do so! “I will be over at 9:00.” Wow. God had confirmed what I kept saying. Yes it was a process…surgeries, chemo, more surgery, more treatment.  But I stand healed today, and surely it came to nothing. There was a possibility alright…for me to look at the waves and all but sink or the possibility to look the Savior in the eye and walk straight ahead, out on the water to Him. That is what it felt like at times fighting cancer, doing the impossible and knowing that you would not be able to do it without God guiding you. And to think back on that particular day, when the surgeon sent me downstairs for a core biopsy in ten minutes (me still not letting it fully sink in yet) and laying on the table I heard the song playing…”your grace is enough.” The tech who was putting me in position had a “Jesus loves you” sticker above her name tag in clear view. And the radiologist came in and said “I am so sorry you are here and gave me a genuine pat on the arm. My heart began to stir. Not swirl but stir. Almost like a peaceful stir if there is such a thing.  So much that I spent the entire weekend in and out of the Bible simultaneously as if the words were my warpaint getting me ready for battle. And they were.

This is that week. The one that has come around every year for nine years…and each year I view it somewhat differently but always with the same gratitude to the Lord Jesus for healing me here on earth and for allowing me to share His testimony of hope to others. I made a promise to the Lord that I would never take life lightly and that I would use this part of my story for His Glory. Every day is His Glory in this life I lead. It’s messy, meaningful, and busy as it should be but no matter what it is meant to be lived and shared. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I have joy. I have strength. I have health and healing…and I have Jesus, eternally, I have Jesus, forever.  There’s a possibility, no it’s a fact, on Friday, I am nine years cancer free. More importantly, I am free in Christ Jesus.

Here’s to all my fellow warriors in the fight, warriors who celebrate another year and warriors who celebrate in heaven…we all win, we never lose a battle to cancer, Jesus is our healer, we always win with Him. With Him all things are possible.

Thank you for stopping by and reading today!

Day 39/45 Today’s verse..

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6


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