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31 Days of Pink: Fear Of Recurrence

But now says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are mine.”
Isaiah 43:1
Shelley and I, December 2009 

You feel a weird pain in your hip one day then the next. Another time,a quivering pain down your spine, that went on for days. You have what you are sure are migraine headaches for ten days out of the month. Next thing you know you have had an MRI for every body part it seems.

Yes, that would be me. And after talking with so many people over the last six years, it is quite common. With each pain there’s that nagging question and sudden fear of “oh no, it’ssssss baaaaaccckk!!!” Google comes next. Oh no. Back up. Lord Help!!!! The “R” word …Recurrence.

I think in the first couple of years my body was recuperating, mainly from the chemotherapy and Herceptin. I did not want to take a chance at waiting if something was hurting or didn’t seem right. Her2 Positive Cancer is aggressive and that thought always tried to come against me. I prayed that the Lord would guard my mind.  Now, I rarely think about it.  Last year my hip was really bothering me for two days and  I heard that voice again. However, as I was taking off my cute boots that night, I discovered the culprit.  I quieted that voice very quickly and said “umm, no I don’t have cancer, I am too old to wear these heeled boots two days in a row!! My hip can’t take it on those hospital floors!”.  This story seems to bring comfort to those who are starting out the path after chemo. It’s so hard to know what’s normal and what’s not. Pray it through and the answer will come. And that’s for everything in life we face. Pray it THROUGH.

Even with all the “reconstruction” of that has taken place in my body, God created me, formed me and he says “FEAR NOT, FOR I HAVE CALLED YOU BY NAME, SUZANNE (PUT YOUR NAME HERE); YOU ARE MINE.” Oh wow. Just wow. I am His. Even when I want to fear, He tells us not to, He knows our future, our next breath, our next step. I had to come to a place where I fully trust Him. For me that means I am whole. When fears comes knocking, I leave it at the door. I pray over the pains, give them to Him and know that He is God. It took some time for me to get to this place. Time has healed many areas of my life in the process. To hear my Father say in His word “you are mine,” well, that’s enough. Fear not, my friends, fear not! Love to you!

Day#283 Hallelujah
Blessings,
Suzanne

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  • Amber Paulsen
    October 6, 2015 at 5:10 pm

    Dear Suzanne, thanks for this post and praise God for your healing! Yay! I'm thankful God led me to your blog today to read this post. 🙂 I'm battling fear in different forms, and one is health issues of nerve damage symptoms. Your blog is a blessing! Keep writing and may the Lord bless you. I recently found out about a free online conference for writers, so wanted to share with you: http://influenceandimpactsummit.com/

  • Suzanne Moore
    October 7, 2015 at 9:00 pm

    Hey Amber! So glad to have you to stop by:) It's amazing how the Lord leads us to exactly what we need. As I said, I had to (still do at times) keep telling fear to stay at the door when it comes knocking! Greater is He that is in you, than He that is in the world! I thank God for the deliverance of your fear in Jesus Name Amen. I had found your blog a week or so ago and can tell that you spend alot of time with the Lord. Can't wait to read more:) And thanks so much for the writers conference information, I will have to check into that! I hope you have a great night, Amber and thank you, for encouraging me to keep writing. Needed that! God is so good, isn't He? Blessings, Suzanne