|Shelley and I, December 2009|
You feel a weird pain in your hip one day then the next. Another time,a quivering pain down your spine, that went on for days. You have what you are sure are migraine headaches for ten days out of the month. Next thing you know you have had an MRI for every body part it seems.
Yes, that would be me. And after talking with so many people over the last six years, it is quite common. With each pain there’s that nagging question and sudden fear of “oh no, it’ssssss baaaaaccckk!!!” Google comes next. Oh no. Back up. Lord Help!!!! The “R” word …Recurrence.
I think in the first couple of years my body was recuperating, mainly from the chemotherapy and Herceptin. I did not want to take a chance at waiting if something was hurting or didn’t seem right. Her2 Positive Cancer is aggressive and that thought always tried to come against me. I prayed that the Lord would guard my mind. Now, I rarely think about it. Last year my hip was really bothering me for two days and I heard that voice again. However, as I was taking off my cute boots that night, I discovered the culprit. I quieted that voice very quickly and said “umm, no I don’t have cancer, I am too old to wear these heeled boots two days in a row!! My hip can’t take it on those hospital floors!”. This story seems to bring comfort to those who are starting out the path after chemo. It’s so hard to know what’s normal and what’s not. Pray it through and the answer will come. And that’s for everything in life we face. Pray it THROUGH.
Even with all the “reconstruction” of that has taken place in my body, God created me, formed me and he says “FEAR NOT, FOR I HAVE CALLED YOU BY NAME, SUZANNE (PUT YOUR NAME HERE); YOU ARE MINE.” Oh wow. Just wow. I am His. Even when I want to fear, He tells us not to, He knows our future, our next breath, our next step. I had to come to a place where I fully trust Him. For me that means I am whole. When fears comes knocking, I leave it at the door. I pray over the pains, give them to Him and know that He is God. It took some time for me to get to this place. Time has healed many areas of my life in the process. To hear my Father say in His word “you are mine,” well, that’s enough. Fear not, my friends, fear not! Love to you!