Ok, I am full. I am thankful and full of praise-I had my Herceptin treatment this afternoon. I have to admit as I was driving there it felt sureel, going to the cancer center on my own now, felt like baby being weaned from her mother. I am smooth sailing through these next eight months or so. When I got there the front desk told me that my oncologist had moved right down the hall, so, I would no longer have to wait in the “big” waiting room. Change. Change is good here. We all need change. Especially good change and at this point in the treatment process. It felt cozier (is that a word?), smaller, definitely not so sterile. No stalls, just a small room with three treatment chairs. There was one lady already in the first one, closest to the wall so I set down my stuff in the middle chair. The middle, that’s right where I am.
I did remember to bring my prayer shawl but I realized immediately I would not be needing it today, so I placed it on the tray connected to the treatment chair. Same drill, numbing freeze spray to the port site and in with the needle. The nurse told me the Herceptin would only take thirty minutes this time. I pulled out my book that I have been trying to read for a month and settled in, for what I thought would be thirty minutes. My new friend next to me asked if she had just been given Benadryl, she felt woozy. “Oh, those days are behind me,” I thought, as she drifted off for a short nap. I had no idea what she was facing but when I heard them say “here’s your Taxol” it didn’t matter. About that time, the nurse looked at me and rushed over, I looked down and my tubing was disconnected and there was blood running down my back, down the chair. I hadn’t even noticed. Apparently I had become disconnected without even knowing it and the very thing I needed, the Herceptin, was now dripping out of the bag onto the floor.
The nurse reconnected me and I was up and going for the next fifteen minutes (I guess) when my new friend woke up. She was talking to the nurse and saying she was new to the whole chemo experience, this was her third treatment. She has lung cancer. What a sweet soul, I have heard about this connection you have with other “treatment warriors” but hadn’t experienced it until today. Do you see that it’s because I wasn’t in a stall, trying to be private in my own little world,
we were right there together,
IV pole to IV pole,
nothing separating us.
My time was up and she was still hooked up to the Taxol. I was praying for her as she slept and now I was getting to go home. I have served my time, so to speak, but when I let my feet down from the recliner and went to gather my things, my eyes were, for a moment, fixed on my prayer shawl. My companion since my first chemo treatment on February 24, 2009 that covered me and was a symbol of healing. I got my purse and the prayer shawl (a crochet afghan of beautiful purples and gold) and handed the shawl over to my new friend for HER journey.
It’s not mine to keep, it covered me in some really tough treatments and now it just sits over my chair in my study at home. No, we must pass on the good that has been given to us. She immediately put it over her lap. Tears in my eyes, I tell her I don’t need it anymore, and say “it’s yours”. The nurses and I have a moment and I am on my way, pushing forward, not looking back but moving on, without my “blankie”. I know God is taking care of me in a powerful way. Covering me with His blanket of love and support, being what I need from moment to moment in a sea of emotions. I am full of joy for where I have been, where I am and where I am going. In the middle. Heading on, with my eyes on Jesus.
That is my prayer for you, that in your life you be full on the things that are important, that make you full. That you not let what you need “drip” on the floor but allow it to be poured within you, that you read God’s word and find it to be truth. That you allow others to let you know when you’re not connected. To reconnect yourself to the source that never runs dry. That you step out of your private place and be there for and with others who need the comfort God has given you. Praise to the Lord in celebration of my health, good heart (echo report) and the realization that HE MAKES ALL THINGS NEW. Hallelujah.
|July 2009 with my love, Katie
|Luke, Abby and Boston 2009
On Day 22 of 31, I have to honor my little sixteen year old, yorkie, Katie, who I got a month after Jeff and I got married, she went to heaven in August. She was my bed buddy all those months and then she was the one who started waking me up at 4:00 am in 2011 to start writing this blog! I miss her terribly, but I know she is much better off. I have never known a little dog with more spunk..love you Katie bug! And had to post this picture of Boston, our labradoodle, he was also a constant companion and comfort. He would always just walk up to the side of the bed and like he was checking on me:)
“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever, do not abandon the works of your hands.” Psalm 138:8